• The Darth Family, Star Wars
Darth Vader was a big influence on me in my younger days, but as I grew older I began to see him for what he was: somebody's dad trying way too hard to be cool. Couple that with the fact he turned into a total pussy in "Return of the Jedi" and looked like the human equivalent of an egg underneath his giant and awkward nerd armor and things don't get much better. Then there is the unpleasant reality that thanks to the prequels, he's now the living embodiment of every Linkin Park song ever. I would mention Darth Maul, kind of like how I'm doing in this very confusing sentence, but why should I? He got cut in half like a delicious submarine sandwich, and went down just as easy. Then there was the old guy, Darth Tyranus I guess, but you just know he's going to get killed. It sure doesn't help that the guy who plays him has practically the exact same role in "Lord of the Rings."
• The Agents, The Matrix
By playing on everybody's natural fear of being confronted by official looking men in suits, and possibly having to fill out forms and paperwork as a result, the Agents have soared to substantial popularity. I'm not that a big fan of "The Matrix," because the underlying themes of becoming a slave to technology remind me of the all the time and money I wasted playing "EverQuest." I think the average shut-in "EverQuest" player would prove more vexing a villain than somebody who looks like a kung-fu fighting IRS employee. And those albino vampire twins they added to the mix? The only thing they could threaten is a sailor's sexuality.
• The Big Red Eye Thing, Lord of the Rings
I'm not the most well versed "Lord of the Rings" fan, mainly because I'm not a fan and I make it a point to not learn any more about it than I already have from watching the movies. Sure, they make for an entertaining and epic spectacle, but you could easily say the same thing about "Riverdance" if all the performers were set on fire and shot at while dancing. The main villain of LOTR, if I recall correctly, was a giant inflamed eyeball mounted on top of a large tower. I don't know, maybe if the eye belonged to a giant Cyclops I'd be more impressed, but as is I just think, "wow, that's one peeved eyeball!" Honestly, I lied about thinking that even, since I've never thought about it until now. That's how lasting a villain Old Red Eye was to me.